THE SECRET TO THE SLIT IN YOUR SPANX…
And while I agree the loo should stay, lets say, a "dirty little secret," there are times we need to break protocol for the betterment of women kind.
When I worked on "The Tyra Banks Show" I had heard a rumor from Tyra herself that you can go to the bathroom without pulling your Spanx down. But I have to be
honest, she talked about a lot of things I would never try at home so I
sort of dismissed the thought. I would just yank, and tug, and pull
down…then I would hope that no "overflow" would hit the wad of nylon
wrapped around my ankles as I stood hovering over the toilet seat.
Finally, I would pray as I did the "running man"
in place, pulling the Spanx back up. I hoped an angel would land them exactly where
they had been…so they would not slip and create a fat roll..
one day when one of my best girlfriends changed my life.
At a wedding, my friend Carolyn said,
"You know the hole is for peeing, right?"
You see, I had been wearing
Spanx since the dawn of Spanx, and I never noticed that my new Spanx now
had a slit in them.
right at me…
Terrified, I said , "No way! If I miss, I'm screwed for
the rest of the wedding because I will have to ditch the Spanx and reveal
the burrito baby I am hiding!".
She fed me a few more cocktails and
coaxed me back into the ladies room where she told me to literally sit,
spread, and lean forward. I was terrified to say the least, but Carolyn was not letting me at out that stall until I performed. And low and behold… a few rum and cokes and a glass of water later, it worked!
Now ladies, you
are going to have to trust me on this one. I know it's scary but I
swear it works! I highly suggest the buddy system because it will ease your fears. Carolyn was taught
by her friend Emily…and now girls, it is my turn to pass the torch.
But I explained to her she needed to focus on all the free time she will have once her Spanx bathroom trips are reduced from 25 minutes to 5! And I pointed out that I am basically issuing a Public Service Announcement… after a few glasses of wine, she reluctantly agreed to let me show her just how the deed is done.
Step 1: Do not be afraid to sit on the seat . Think of the Spanx as a seat cover.
Step 2: In a seated squat position lean as far forward as you can…
(without falling in of course)
Now take a deep breath… and relax
Step 3: Trust your Spanx will not spill!
Now that wasn't so bad was it? Today, I leave you with one last word of advice. Proceed with caution if you have the newest model of Spanx.
I hear it tends to shift the slit just slightly to the right…which I am sure you can imagine could be…a little messy.
CHEERS TO BLISSFUL BATHROOM BREAKS IN YOUR FUTURE!
*Lifein2lemonade is edited by Ryan Howard