"-March-2013-March-2013" Posts

SURVIVING …SURVIVING

Survivor is a funny word. It has this
ring to it that implies all you need to do is earn the title and
suddenly everything is OK.

 My husband, Brian, is an easy going guy. Not much fazes him.

 

IMG_1666

NOTICE HE IS WEARING MY SCARF

 

I
would go as far to say that even when he was diagnosed with cancer he was practical and succumb to the
fact that most likely… he had no control of his destiny.

However, all bets were off once Brian became a "survivor". You see, when you have any major hardship happen to you, your life
becomes a fish bowl. 

 

IMG_0727

WHY IS EVERYONE LOOKING AT ME?!

 

At first everyone cheers as you swim in
and out of that tiny plastic castle.  You feel special. 
People enjoy nurturing you. They never forget to feed you or change
your "water". 

 

IMG_0646

LOOK AT US! WE ARE SO HEALTHY!!!

 

 

Then slowly the novelty wears off…

You wake up one morning to find that the world is no longer
cheering. Instead, everyone is just staring.  So you feel depressed.

 

 

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I"M A LOSER. NO ONE LOVES ME

 

If you had cancer; you might feel judged on your appearance. 
"Should you be eating that?"

 

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OMG!!! HE IS EATING MEAT!!!!!!!!!

 

 If you were mourning; you might feel people are judging
you on your ability to move on. "Is she actually dating?" "

If you were broke; you might feel people judging you
when you do something nice for yourself.  "Did you buy a new dress?" 

 

IMG_0316

THAT WOULD BE PRADA WITH A "P"

 

As your bowl swirls with everyone's opinions you wake up one morning to find your water cloudy. You are starving because no one has fed you in weeks.  And you start to wonder… "Is everyone just waiting for the morning they find me belly up in
the bowl???"

 

Toilet

PLEASE DONT FLUSH ME!!!!

 

So what happened? You overcame insurmountable
obstacles to earn the title of survivor. I mean you did the
unthinkable;  you beat cancer, you clawed your way out of debt, you
overcame the loss of a loved one, you got through a divorce, you lost
100 pounds now… YOU'RE looking at a toilet bowl anticipating someone will flush you!?!?!??!?

I would love to say, "People suck that is what happened!" 
However, then I would have to throw out my whole "Life into
Lemonade" stick and hit the bottle.

 

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I DID THINK ABOUT IT… FOR A SPLIT SECOND

 

Instead, lets make lemonade. (you can add vodka later if you wish)

 

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KK-TINI: 1/2 LEMON JUICED, 1 OUNCE VODKA, .5 OUNCE CHAMBORD AND A REAL FRIEND TO SHARE IT WITH

Everyone has a light inside and I believe people, like moths, are attracted to "light."  Some people have to climb mountains and swim oceans because it is a necessary part of their journey. Their light shines outward, so others can be guided. It is like a gigantic flashlight! Your life is meant to be shared with the world!

 

 

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WE DID IT! SO CAN YOU!!!!!

 

 However, when we believe
we are defined by what "this life" has put us through
instead of who we are inside…moths start eating our clothes. We allow them to poke holes in our truth and our flashlights start to dim.

 So what do you do????? Well, first it's time to change the batteries in your flashlight:)  You need to take a step back and look at WHO you
are asking to clean your fish bowl.

My guess is if they are
questioning your candy bar, they just ate two. If they are judging
how you spend money, they have a fear of being broke. If they are
smack talking your ability to laugh or love, they wish they could do
both.

Next eat a twinkie if you feel like it.  Then kindly tell them you appreciate their concern but you are a
survivor and you know how to do just that.

 

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MAKEUP GENIUS KRISTINA DUFF KNOWS HOW TO SHINE INSIDE AND OUT WITH HER ATTAGIRL ORGANIZATION!!!

 

Finally, ask them,
"What is really up your butt?"   Something is most likely bugging them and you can
shine some light on how they too, can learn to be a survivor:)

 Now…speaking of "Asses" and "Survivors" this month is Colon
Cancer Awareness month!!  WHOOO HOO! So in the spirit of
shining lights up butts….we have asked some of our fabulous celebrity friends to support the cause!

 

StevenKramer Glickman

STEVEN KRAMER GLICKMAN AKA GUSTAVO FROM BIG TIME RUSH KNOWS WHAT'S UP!

 

 We are happy  to support our buddies at the Colon Cancer Alliance .  
We are donating a portion of every Solas bag purchased to raise
awareness for this cause! Check out www.solasfashion.com
and listen to Stan!!!!!

 

 

Lesliedavidbaker

LESLIE DAVID BAKER AKA "STAN" from THE OFFICE


Now go buy a purse that will light up just like you! www.solasfashion.com

 

xoxox

KK

 

WHATS UP YOUR BUTT?

Some important information:

 

1.) Colorectal Cancer is the second leading cause of cancer death in the U.S.

2.) Although there has been a significant rise in the number of young people diagnoses with this cancer in the last 5 years recommended screenings are not until age 50.

3.)Colorectal Cancer is a slow moving cancer and if caught early has a 90% recovery rate.

4.) You can have colon cancer and feel great. Symptoms are non specific like stomach discomfort,rectal bleeding or slight blood in and around your stool.

4.) Over 9% of MEN AND WOMEN will be effected by colorectal cancer. This is not a man's disease.

 

LIAR,LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE

Nobody likes a liar.  In fact,I have never met a single person who has ever told me, "I enjoy people who lie."

According to Wikipedia; a lie is a known untruth expressed as a truth often with the further intention to maintain a secret or a reputation.

 Hmm, well who wants to have a bad reputation?  Not I!

 So with that in mind some lies aren't as bad as others, right?

 I mean there is the Noble Lie; when you lie for the sake of honor, whether it be your own or some else's.

So if someone asks you :  "When are you due?" (and the only baby your birthing is all that birthday cake you ate)

and you happen to stutter in a panic, "uhhhh…."5 months".

When you due

This is not a lie!  You were clearly protecting your honor.

(Side note:  Ladies write your local congress.  Questions like that should be punishable by law.)

Another example, as my good friend Kala pointed out, is when you tell a sympathy lie in order to make your friend feel better.  Maybe…she happened to gain a few lbs over Xmas and you lost a few.  You don't want her to feel bad!

"I totally gained 5 lbs too! Don't worry about it, it's winter."

  Photo 111

(Come to think of it maybe skinny samaritans like Kala should be punished as well.  Their offense?  They have the ability to be skinny samaritans!)

Then there is the ever so popular, White Lie.  The "white lie", in the 21st century, has become a right of passage in relationships. Therefore making 80% of people in relationships…absolved of the sin of lying.

Ladies, your man TOTALLY remembered to drop your mother's card in the mail on the way to work.

I mean, why would he lie?

Relationship

Now my favorite word for lying is Puffery; which is an exaggerated claim.  Why?  Because everyone does it, politicians, sales people, marketing executives…women…

"I have no idea why these jeans don't fit!  I have been the same size since high school."

Ashleybelly

Oh!  How about Lying By Omission…commonly used by teenagers and some adults…

Listen, when my best friend Carolyn and I went to our alma mater IOWA for a football game, it was not our fault those boys assumed we were seniors.

…I mean we are seniors…(to them)

Younglook

And the devil of all categories of lies is…

 Lying Through Your Teeth

I mean who could ever do that?  What a horrible person!  GROSS!

Yes, we have conveniently categorized lying so that some of us can do it when we deem ABSOLUTELY necessary…and others…well…they are L.I.A.R.S!!!

So why am I babbling on and on about lies?  And what does this have to do with your closet?!  The way I look at it, in some way shape or form, we are all…liars.  (GASP!  I KNOW!)  And the majority of our lies stem from how we think we look…and how we want to look to the world. 

So next time someone is having a hard time telling the truth, don't get mad right away.  Think about all the times you have have total a little fib and why. Maybe it is your job to help them feel comfortable in their own skin. So they don't find the need to "lie".

When we are able to light the way for others that is when we are being true to ourselves…that is when we feel fabulous…and the rest my friends just has a way of falling into place.

 

Have a great weekend,

KK

WHAT IS THAT SILLY SLIT IN MY SPANX?

THE SECRET TO THE SLIT IN YOUR SPANX…


Boys laugh at bathroom banter. 

Bathroom

But as gabby as us gals can be, the bathroom…is usually A BOYCOTTED subject.

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And while I agree the loo should stay, lets say, a "dirty little secret," there are times we need to break protocol for the betterment of women kind.

When I worked on "The Tyra Banks Show" I had heard a rumor from Tyra herself that you can go to the bathroom without pulling your Spanx down.  But I have to be
honest, she talked about a lot of things I would never try at home so I
sort of dismissed the thought.  I would just yank, and tug, and pull
down…then I would hope that no "overflow" would hit the wad of nylon
wrapped around my ankles as I stood hovering over the toilet seat.

 

 

Tangledspanx

 

Finally, I would pray as I did the "running man"
in place, pulling the Spanx back up.  I hoped an angel would land them exactly where
they had been…so they would not slip and create a fat roll..

…until
one day when one of my best girlfriends changed my life.

At a wedding, my friend Carolyn said,
"You know the hole is for peeing, right?"

You see, I had been wearing
Spanx since the dawn of Spanx, and I never noticed that my new Spanx now
had a slit in them.

Perplexed, I looked down and there it was, staring
right at me…

Spanx003

Terrified, I said , "No way!  If I miss, I'm screwed for
the rest of the wedding because I will have to ditch the Spanx and reveal
the burrito baby I am hiding!".

She fed me a few more cocktails and
coaxed me back into the ladies room where she told me to literally sit,
spread, and lean forward.  I was terrified to say the least, but Carolyn was not letting me at out that stall until I performed. And low and behold… a few rum and cokes and a glass of water later, it worked!

Now ladies, you
are going to have to trust me on this one.  I know it's scary but I
swear it works!  I highly suggest the buddy system because it will ease your fears.  Carolyn was taught
by her friend Emily…and now girls, it is my turn to pass the torch.

I know you are mortified,when I told my good friend Josie, she was too….
 

-7

But I explained to her she needed to focus on all the free time she will have once her Spanx bathroom trips are reduced from 25 minutes to 5!  And I pointed out that I am basically issuing a Public Service Announcement… after a few glasses of wine, she reluctantly agreed to let me show her just how the deed is done.

 

Step 1:   Do not be afraid to sit on the seat . Think of the Spanx as a seat cover.

-6

Step 2:  In a seated squat position lean as far forward as you can…

(without falling in of course)

Now take a deep breath… and relax

Toiletlean2

When you lean forward all the way the slit will open naturally like this…
Slitopen

  Step 3Trust your Spanx will not spill!

Victory

Now that wasn't so bad was it?  Today, I leave you with one last word of advice.  Proceed with caution if you have the newest model of Spanx.

110-gal-spanx-nude_300

 

The kind like this where your bra attaches to the Spanx.

I hear it tends to shift the slit just slightly to the right…which I am sure you can imagine could be…a little messy.

CHEERS TO BLISSFUL BATHROOM BREAKS IN YOUR FUTURE!

XOXO

KK